I Have a Dream?

So, I have been watching and admiring some of my friends pursuing dreams, creating businesses or side businesses, being true to their own inner voices in ways as unique as each individual woman.

One of the things I confessed in therapy was - it has always bothered me that I've never had a dream, a big goal, a purpose, something that I knew I wanted to do someday. Well, there are places I want to visit and things I want to see, but nothing I've known I just have to do. My therapist told me that she was sure those dreams were lurking inside, if I'd just allow myself to admit them and own them. Wise woman, that Jan.

When I developed my health issues, I often wondered what I was supposed to learn from this experience, because I believe that all things are sent to us for a reason. And I have learned much from this stuff - some little, some big, but mostly about myself. My shortcomings and my strengths.

Anyway, while I was having a massage today from a lady I admire for her love of life, her ministering heart, and her strength of convictions, a seed of an idea took root.

I make no secret that I am very overweight and continuously struggle with that fact. Losing weight will be helpful for several of my symptoms. However, with fibro and chronic fatigue, there is a vicious circle. We have bone-crushing fatigue, which would be helped by exercise but we can barely get by with the essential activities due to pain and exhaustion. In addition, in my experience, when I have that depletion of energy I am almost driven to sugar, caffeine, and other foods which aggravate inflammation and blood sugar imbalances.

While I've recognized this cycle, I've struggled greatly to break it. I am making small strides, but it takes so much effort that I am often tempted to just take the path of least resistance, sit back, and give in. There is a small part of me that still thinks I am not worth all that effort.

But the greater part of me knows that I am.

Today, I realized a way I can reinforce that knowledge, and perhaps help others too.

I am going to write a book about my experiences - while I am experiencing them. I will be my own test subject!

I don't expect that I will have a how-to book for people with FMS and CFS who want to lose weight and reduce their fatigue levels. But I would hope that I can share ideas about nutrition, alternative medicine routes, conquering those psychological and physical barriers that we find in our paths.

I was an English major, and I always thought it would be a great thing to write a book. However, I have no talent for writing poetry, short stories or novels. That's why I gravitated towards journalism, editing, and technical writing.

Recently, I've been going to school for biology because I am intensely interested in how the human body works. I wasn't sure what I would do with this knowledge but I knew I wanted to study it.

Now I have a reason. A purpose. Perchance a dream?