Howdy folks! With the exception of some coughing, weakness and fatigue, I am recovering from the pneumonia debacle very well. With as fast as it worsened, I am thankful I got medical attention when I did.
So, here I am, trying to plot my next steps. I am off work until I see my doctor on Friday morning. Which is good, because I take Mom to the cardiologist Thursday morning. In between I'm helping Mom keep track of the business of moving in with us. I'm doing as much as possible on line, letting her handle the phone calls. I also encouraged her to sort through some of the massive paperwork she has saved. All the bills related to my Dad's illness. Telephone bills from 2002. All sorts of stuff.
On Labor Day, George's co-worker and her nephew came over to the apartment to haul away the couch, dinette, recliner, and one bedroom set. That meant that Mom and I had to clear out a few things. Mom was really good about going through Dad's clothes, saving what she wanted and giving everything else to a men's shelter. She refused any help from me. What I did not realize - she never dealt with anything else. In the nightstands were boxes of old medicines, etc. plus some of his personal stuff. Mom thought she was OK but just sobbed when we started, so I sent her out and completed the work myself. I put anything that was remotely sentimental in a special box, and tossed the rest. It was time. Dad died in April 2004.
Soooo, here I am. Over the past 10 days, I decided that I need to take a leave of absence from work. I need time to deal with my Mom's stuff, plus she may be having surgery soon. In addition, I need to get my health back in shape - physical and mental. I want to enroll in Gentle Yoga class at the local studio on Monday and Wednesday mornings. I want to shop for healthy food. I want to walk. I want to meditate.
It is clear that I cannot do the things I want and need to do over the next 2 months and work my current job. Either I have to switch to part-time, or take a leave of absence. I don't really want to do part-time right now, because I'll still always have one foot in the office and one foot at home. Although I am the queen of multi-tasking, I know that I have reached my limit.
My quandary? Guilt over leaving the office short-handed for such a long time (till the end of October). Also, my husband decided to tell me tonight that the LOA would be a mistake. WTF? Suddenly he's thinking like my boss (gosh, I'd have to replace you if you were gone that long) instead of my supporter, which he's always been. I also feel guilty because I know that he and a lot of people don't have the option of doing the LOA I am contemplating.
Of course, I have given up Guilt. So none of the above should enter in to my decision making, right?
I'm having coffee with a friend tomorrow to discuss all this. And I will probably talk to an Employee Assistance Counselor. And of course, my doctor. Because I believe the terrible fatigue I have been experiencing for the last 6 months is tied up in all this. My fibro doctor hasn't been very helpful with the fatigue, so I am going to talk it over with my primary.
And thus ends this chapter of verbal diarrhea from me.
I welcome any thoughts, inputs, critiques, opinions or encouragement.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Well I'm not sure how much help I will be seeing as how Keith has always been a huge backer of my doing what I needed to do even when he was home for his own leave during the brain tumor. But I believe that any guilt you still carry (I know, I know... you gave that up!) will also weigh on you and make you that much more fatigued and stressed.
But it sounds to me like you've given this a lot of thought and that it is doable. So go for it. You need this time, Kathy. If George really thought about it (my goodness, it is TWO months!), I'm sure he would see that a LOA is well worth it.
Take care of yourself.
Your mom is so lucky to have you taking care of her. How very lovely you are and what a wonderful daughter to be taking care of this difficult task of clearing out all of the things that were connected with the loss of her husband. :(
Take the leave. My two cents.
Okay, and here's mine...
I would probably investigate a bit further to see when the doctors think your mom's surgery is going to happen so it doesn't fall the first week you head back.
Other than that, I think you need this time away. From what you have said you can feel your body giving out (the pneumonia was a good warning).
Talk to the counselor and your boss to see what the options are when you come back.
Most of all, continue to take care of yourself and know I (we) are thinking of you.
Post a Comment