I'm Me

As I shared yesterday, I was a little disturbed at officially having a disability. I'm feeling much better today about the whole thing.

I guess I'm still struggling to find out who I am as a person with fibromylagia. I'm finally getting to the point where I can accept that it is one of my attributes - and I have many, many more which define me.

It dawned on me that I've been trying to ignore the FM for the past few months. I haven't been willing to make any concessions, by making the effort to do those things that I know will help me. In fact, taking the 2 sciences courses is a way of thumbing my nose at the idea of my cognitive abilities being compromised by my condition. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be succeeding at school (A in Biology, probably a B in Chemistry).

Of course, my cognitive abilities are affected. That goes with the territory of FM, so to speak. Yesterday, when I arrived for my rheumatologist appointment, I took the elevator straight to the 4th floor. I was surprised when Rheumatology wasn't where I remembered. "I guess they've moved to another floor in the past 4 months," I thought. I went to the 3rd, and then finally found them on the 2nd floor. When I asked the receptionist when they moved, she looked at me funny and said they were always on floor 2. I hate when that happens!

My rheumy was actually surprised to hear about my school work and my success. She said that it was difficult for anyone, working full time and taking those classes, but with FM it was really an accomplishment. I guess I didn't realize it until she said so.

Anyway, my brain fog continued throughout the day. Unfortunately, I had a Chemistry test last night. I thought I had studied well for it and understood the material. Guess not - I got a 69. Oh well - my test average is still a B. As long as I don't screw up the final next Monday, I'll be OK. Can't believe I'm going to go through another semester, with the same teacher - but I need to do it.

To regain some balance in my life, I scheduled a massage for Saturday with my wonderful MT Michelle. I have not seen her since September, and I badly need her to work on my painful trigger points. I'm also getting enrolled back in my aquatic therapy class. I need that warm water stretching desperately. I'm hoping to start in January, if they have room in the class.

I've also pulled out my meditation CDs from Health Journeys. I am making an appointment with myself this afternoon, and a few more times this week, to regain some perspective and healing thoughts.

Yesterday, I was feeling a bit powerless. Today, I feel capable of making the best of my life.

It's a good feeling.