Emerging from the Nest

My mom is planning to take a trip - by herself.

This is a really big step for her. She'll be flying to Philadelphia and visiting various relatives and friends for two weeks, but she'll be flying on the plane unaccompanied. She hasn't made such a trip in many years, and I didn't think she'd ever do it alone, but she surprises me sometimes.

Since my dad's death, and even while he was sick, she had to start doing things she had not done before. Driving in Texas was one of them. She had stopped driving up in Philadelphia when she was undergoing cancer treatment and just never got back to it. She didn't have to - my dad could take her anywhere she wanted to go. She also developed a bit of agoraphobia and didn't want to be in crowds. When they moved to Texas in 2002, the new roads (and more aggressive style of driving) intimidated her. But when Dad could no longer drive, she steeled her nerves and got back behind the wheel.

Our trip to Vegas in December was the first time she's travelled without Dad in many years. Takeoff was a bit emotional for her, because they always held hands at takeoff. So I took her hand in mine and she made it through.

Now that she's experienced airports with the post 9/11 security, she feels like she'll be OK flying up to make this long-overdue visit. My aunt and cousins will get her around the area, so she won't have to rent a car. She and my dad's 2 sisters are even planning a casino get-away to Atlantic City for a few nights.

I am so happy for her, and so proud of her.

When I tell her how brave she is, she says, "I'm not brave, I'm scared all the time!" Ahh, but courage isn't the absence of fear. It's having the fear but still going forward.

She was brave when she quit high school, got a job and moved into the YWCA to get away from an abusive home. When she married my dad, he was in the Army. She found herself pregnant just as he was sent to Germany. So, she followed him, to have her first child in a foreign country where she didn't really speak the language -- just so she could be with her husband. Many women in her situation stayed stateside, but not Mom.

In 1991, when she was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer, she was afraid but was determined to do everything she could to fight it. She endured 9 months of chemo, 5 weeks of daily radiation, mastectomy surgery, and another round of chemo. Afterward, she served as a mentor to several women who were walking the same difficult path. Some of them didn't make it.

Two years ago, she lost her life's companion after nursing him through a year of very difficult treatments. She found the inner strength to go on, even though I know she didn't want to live without him.

Now she turned 70, and she's planning a trip across country - something she's never done by herself before.

Mom, you drive me crazy sometimes, but you are my hero.