Reaction to Diagnosis, Part 1

It has been almost one month since I was officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia. My first reactions were of relief that I wasn’t crazy, since the months of tests prior to that had shown nothing physically wrong with me. I was also encouraged to know that FM is not a condition continues to worsen over time (unless untreated). I had been really scared by all the “what ifs” my mind had been conjuring up while I endured the medical tests. The worst “what if” was, what if it’s all in my mind?

Now, the relief of finally receiving a diagnosis is wearing off and I am living with it. I guess physically, nothing has changed since the diagnosis. The meds take the edge off the pain somewhat, and the stretches can relieve some of the muscle spasms. But in some ways I’m feeling worse.

I realize that these symptoms have been accumulating over the past 3 years at least, and that my stressful life didn’t cause any of this. It actually made it easier for me to ignore what was happening with my body. I have been living with pain for quite some time, but I just refused to recognize it. The migraines, stomach troubles, and insomnia I had attributed to various happenings are all related to my condition. It is good to have an explanation now, but it makes me so sad that I had cut off the connection between my heart, my head, and my body so efficiently that I didn’t realize how sick I was. My 50 pound weight gain (on top of being overweight anyway) was probably a cry for help that I refused listen to.

I feel like I am on a roller coaster. I have been researching everything I can about FM. I’m heartened to know that I can have a positive effect on how I feel by what I do. I am discouraged to know that even if I do everything “right” I’ll still feel bad sometimes. I’m glad there are meds to help with the symptoms, but I don’t like taking too many and I have to endure trial-and-error to see what works for me. What works for one person does not work for another.

Routines are highly recommended for people with FM. To address insomnia and non-restorative sleep (my current number one problem) consistent bed and wake-up times are supposed to be essential. But it so hard to implement – especially when you are completely exhausted when the alarm goes off and have to lay down to rest before getting dressed and going to work. That is my primarily lifestyle-change goal for the near term, to establish a basic routine despite the fatigue.