What to do, what to do?

Things are progressing around here at Chez K. Mom is fairly settled in and we are proceeding with setting up the move to be long-term. George moved a few pieces of furniture (computer desk and computer!) over from her place. She wants to get rid of much of rest of the furniture - and it's a good thing because it all smells like cigarettes and will not be brought into this house! We were going to donate to Salvation Army or Goodwill, but a co-worker told George about her nephew, who is starting over after a bad situation and has absolutely nothing. He would be thrilled to come move out whatever we don't want to keep.

There will still be a large amount of work to sort through all the items and the paperwork that has accumulated. Unbeknownst to me, she has felt totally overwhelmed with paperwork for a while and has been stashing everything. She didn't know what to keep, what to shred, etc - so she kept everything. Can't wait to start that task.

She went back to the cardiologist yesterday. Her incision looks great, but he won't take the staples out until next week to give the skin more time to heal. The next round of surgery has not been scheduled yet, so I think it may be a few weeks away. She is still very tired, and caught a stomach bug over the past few days that knocked her out. I do believe she is getting better, and that there is no question that she needs to be with us.

George is starting to assume the new duties that go along with the demotion he received in March. Of course, no one is slated to do his old job, so he'll be doing both. The new thing requires a weird work schedule: 5:30 a.m to 5:30 pm., four days off and four days on, rotating days of the week according to that schedule. So he'll work some weekends, but have some days off during the week usually. In 18 years of him working shift work, I thought we had encountered all the shift variations, but I was wrong.

So, how about me? Well, I'm exhausted. It's not that I'm pushing way too much, just that I just can't find the time to do what I must to keep the fibro in check.

I am so burnt out at my job. I was very excited when I got the assignment I wanted recently: in addition to my regular duties, I am going to be a pseudo-project manager for the creation of a special book, about the legacy of the Space Shuttle Program. Contributors will be the people who worked on all the technical and scientific achievements over the years. Many of the retirees I worked with when I first started in this business 19 years ago. I love the whole concept of the book and am so happy to have an opportunity to contribute to it over the next few years.

The difficulty is that, with all the other turmoil here, I have not really been able to delve into the planning of the project and the first big editorial board meeting, which is my first milestone. My boss is very understanding about my regular work (which I am sooo bored with), but this project requires me to work closely with the two folks who dreamed up the book idea and got it started. They are both in another organization, but looked to my office to provide operations support, planning and organization.

All this has me wondering how in the world can I manage all of this? I really think that regaining and maintaining my health should be one of the highest priorities, because I can't do the rest of it if I collapse or my immune system crashes again.

I've spent the past few days thinking seriously about taking an extended time off from my job. I do have quite a bit of paid leave, and we could manage well if some must be unpaid. To have a month or two where I could concentrate on establishing my self-care routines, and looking after Mom's affairs, without the pressure of working 40-50 hours per week and being on call during missions, I think I could really make progress. It seems like a worthwhile investment to me.

I haven't broached the subject with George yet. I need to think it through a bit. Of course, my Mom will be upset because she'll think that she is taxing me too much.

Mulling this over will take some time. I need to make sure that it's not exhaustion and this sore throat/cough bug I seem to have caught that is making me consider such a drastic move.

I'll sleep on the idea - if I can ever get to sleep tonight.