My prayer today: Lord, let me make it through the next 4 weeks at work (and at home) without causing physical harm to myself or anyone else.
I knew work was going to be increasing in stress as we get closer to the Shuttle launch, but I didn't expect it to be quite this bad. I made it through the accident, I thought. I survived the investigation and the huge redesign and analysis effort, I told myself. I'll be able to make it through to the home stretch.
I wonder....
While my diet change is helping my fatigue in some ways, my other fibro symptoms are getting worse for some reason (could it be Stressssss??, said with the Dana Carvey/Church Lady voice from SNL years ago). I am having muscle spasms in weird places and much more often than I've had previously. I'm not sleeping well, and when I do sleep I have bizarre nightmares.
Apparently, when I had blood work last week, the tech stuck the needle straight through my vein. The major muscle spasm in my arm was the result of blood leaking internally in my arm. The swelling and cramping have gone down, and I have horrific blood bruises from my inner elbow down to my wrist. I have to wear long sleeves or everyone will think I'm a junkie.
I can't let my mother see it because it looks just like my Dad's arms did toward the end of his life. I know that my platelet counts are vigorous, but Mom will freak.
I have been avoiding contact with a friend. She is a sweet person, but she always has a crisis in her life that she needs to talk to me about. The last time we got together all she could talk about was how tired she was because her allergies were bothering her and her cats were restless at night. Never asked me how I was doing at all. I really don't need the aggravation of a "conversation" with her right now.
George's work has been in turmoil for months, and continues to be. I try to be supportive, but I just don't have the energy to try to talk him out of a bad mood every day.
Although I am allowed to work from home on Tuesdsays, I've had to go into the office on Tuesdays for the past 3 weeks. I really miss the rest I can sneak in while working from home.
I'm looking at having to work on the weekends, Saturday and potentially Sunday, starting next week. I just don't know if I can do it.
Can you tell I'm overwhelmed?
I think I may need to consider a leave of absence from work once we get back to flying, for my own good. I'm just hoping that my body cooperates until then.
I need a nap, and a pint of Blue Bell ice cream.
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2 comments:
I can't believe how well you are doing on your elimination diet. That's a tough one.
I've been thinking of you as Nicole prepares for space camp (leaves tomorrow). You're in my thoughts a lot lately, between your illness, the anniversary of your dad's passing and the re-launch of the space shuttle. I don't know how you handle it all.
With all you've been through you always seemed to handle your life with grace. I'm not sure if it feels that way to you, but that's how it comes across to me.
I am closing my eyes and sending you lots of parentheses....I mean hugs!
The first time when I did the full body acupuncture, they must have hit a nerve in my foot and it swelled up and turned purple -- it was really weird. I couldn't wear shoes. Oh, needles gone errant.
Avoid that friend, yes. My office mate is like PigPen from Peanuts, only instead of dirt following her around its this cloud of doom and gloom. maybe she's Eyeore, I dunno. "Hi, How are you?" "Okay, but Oh My God, there are evil people out there planning to take patents out on all of the Iraqi wheat genomes-- and their genomes go back to ancient Mesopotamia-- and if those are patented ten we are all f-d, so I joined this committee...." and on and on and on...EVERY F-ING TIME!!! AAAARGH!!! Last week it was Peak Oil. With a tangent into her miserable marriage.
Gotta avoid these types, we do.
Kathy, I'd just like you to know how precious you are to me. And how I admire you. Give that energy-sucking wombat the stiff arm.
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