Am I Completely Insane??

Not too long ago, I was wondering whether I was going to be able to continuing working at my job full time, due to my fibromyalgia. I was afraid if my symptoms got any worse, I wouldn't be able to do my current job.

Now, after my physical and emotional world have stabilized for a few months, I've decided that I don't have enough challenges and I go back to school - taking two science courses, no less! I must be nucking futs!

I'm having a crisis of self-confidence at the moment, apparently.

George and I have discussed the situation and he thinks the mental challenge is just what I need. I'm always happier in that kind of situation, he says. And he's right.

We may even break down and have a cleaning service come into the house on a semi-regular basis. My guilty feelings and his paranoia have prevented us from pursuing this option so far. He doesn't want a stranger in the house unsupervised, and I figure if one of us is going to be here while they clean, we might as well do it ourselves. It finally dawned on me that I work from home on Tuesdays and a cleaning person could come in while I worked - both of our concerns addressed!

If I'm true with myself, I realize that I'm taking this challenge on now because I'm afraid I won't be physically able to in the future. The fibro fog scares the living hell out of me, and I'm afraid that if I don't use and stretch my mind, I'll lose more and more. That thought terrifies me more than adapting to any physical limitations that may or may not come my way in the future.

Another factor: I function better when I am on a disciplined schedule. However, my natural tendency is to avoid self-discipline as much as possible. Crowding my life with commitment forces me to maintain discipline, and that's the only way my lazy butt is going to do it.

Well, maybe I'm not completely insane. It's just my own personal brand of lunacy, and that's OK