I Hate Cancer

My beautiful cat Gracie must have a biopsy on Monday. I took her in to the vet for her routine shots and checkup this morning. She is a a year and a half old.

By chance, the doc found a little something that required Gracie to have a pill. Dr. Helen said, "I'll just give it to her now." When she was popping the pill into Gracie's mouth, she saw something at the very back of her tongue that she "doesn't like the look of."

It may be some kind of mass that responds to steroids and antibiotics. But it could be cancerous.

My beautiful Bonnie girl, the first cat George and I lived with, died of an inoperable tumor in the bone of her jaw. But she had a long life.

Both my grandfathers had cancer.

My mother is a breast cancer survivor.

My father died April 14, 2004 after battling leukemia and lung cancer.

Exactly one month later, to the day, my co-worker found a gray little fuzz-ball in the parking lot on a rainy day. I brought her home and have loved her much. I always felt like my Dad sent her to console me, because she brought joy at a very sad time.

Right now, I feel like everyone I love gets cancer. Could I be a carrier?

We could use some good vibes here. Thanks.


Saturday afternoon update:
I wrote the words above when I was broken-hearted at the thought of losing my Gracie. Mainly because I love her, but also a little because I feel a special link to my Dad through her.

I have a little perspective now and realize, we don't know for sure what the mass is, and whatever it is we will deal with it as it comes. Gracie eats well (when Emma lets her) and has been so active and happy lately that I have trouble thinking it is really really bad.

When I re-read my post this afternoon (after tears, hugs, and a nap), I was embarrassed. Lots of people have it much worse off - why are you complaining, you whiner? For pete's sake, it's your cat, and many people are facing cancer in their most cherished partners or in themselves!

I logged on here to delete my original post.

But I'm not going to.

Those were my real feelings at the moment I wrote the post, and they are not more or less valid than anything else.

This is my first follow-through on my pledge to not continually edit myself.

I just wanted to add that, I don't mean my words to be insensitive or inconsiderate to anyone who is facing an honest-to-God hardship in their lives. I know how blessed I am and I thank God many, many times every day.